25 years ago, at age six years old, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. My little life was simple. My mum made me food, and I ate it. If I wanted something I couldn't eat, I accepted I couldn't have it, and that was that, no questions asked. As a single mum, she could rarely afford to buy us treats, but when she did I was quite happy with a bag of chips. I don't remember ever being bothered by having to be injected twice a day and my little friends looked on in amazement when my mum pricked my fingers! And then I started high school. I had to test and inject myself. At 11 years old, I started to rebel in my head. I was quiet & self-conscious, and I just wanted to fit in and be like the other girls. This meant eating whatever they ate - chocolates, cakes, chips, you name it! Food seemed to be everywhere I went! I even worked out a way to manipulate my glucose meter into giving me the results I wanted so that my mother wouldn't suspect that I'd spent most of the day eating junk food.
Things got even worse as I reached my late teens. I was introduced to alcohol and nights out. I still wanted to be just like my friends, and my personal motto became "Anything you can do, I can do better." I ate and drank what I wanted, when I wanted. I had already started putting on the weight. I felt fat and ugly, but that didn't stop me from eating. My sugar levels were constantly up and down. Eventually, I stopped testing my blood glucose levels completely to stop the guilt. I would even make my numbers up before each clinic appointment. A tiny voice in my head told me I was slowly killing myself, but I ignored it. Not even the horror stories of feet amputations, kidney dialysis and blindness put me off. I was in denial. I just wanted to be normal. By the age of 21, I weighed 178lbs and was wearing size 14 clothes. I was admitted to hospital with Diabetic Ketoacidosis at the age of 22, a life threatening condition caused by high blood sugars, which will result in death if not treated. On discharge, I was sternly told to "keep better control." I'd love to say I listened but I didn't know how to manage it. And I didn't know who or where or how to ask for help. So I carried on. I told myself "You only live once, may as well enjoy it while I can."
A turning point came when I found out I was expecting my baby. Suddenly I had support on tap, people telling me what I needed to do & how much insulin to inject, coupled with the realization that I had another being relying on me to keep him or her safe, healthy and alive. My control was spot on for the duration of my pregnancy.
After the birth of my daughter, the baby weight fell off me, plus an extra 14lbs, and I felt good about myself for the first time in forever! I managed to keep up the good work, but then her dad and I separated and I started to struggle again. My subconscious told me to pull myself together and start looking after myself for her sake. She needed her mummy. But I struggled to juggle my condition with being a single mother. It wasn't long before I started piling the weight back on.
I was shocked when I received my terrible hba1c result last year. A hba1c test shows your average blood sugars over a three-month period. I knew deep down I needed to drastically change my lifestyle and something just clicked in my head. I started doing some major research and joined a gazillion social media support groups. I started eating healthier, less carbs and more protein. I also joined a gym and found an amazing personal trainer to push me. I've managed to lose the weight I put back on and I feel so much better about myself, and healthier! I even started to test my sugar levels again, so much so that I'm now slightly obsessed, I test myself on average at least 12 times a day! Earlier this month, I was ecstatic to learn that my hba1c had come down to a good level.
I'm no Doctor, but through my research, I believe I suffered from Diabetes Burnout and some form of Binge Eating Disorder for all those years. I wanted to share my story, as I don't believe I'm the only diabetic to feel the way I felt; if you can identify with my story in any way, I strongly urge you to go and speak to your Diabetes team, so that they can help you.
I'm finally at peace with myself, at a place in my head where I no longer feel burdened by my condition. I've learned to embrace it instead of hiding it away. I spent all those wasted years in denial and rebellion, but finally I've come to realize that "anything my friends do, I can 100% do better," I just have to do it a different way!
Please feel free to contact Becky via email or social.
Blog: Hectic Dia-BEC-tic
Blog address: www.hecticdiabectic.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/
Instagram: www.instagram.com/
Email: hecticdiabectic@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment